you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
