I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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