apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
