I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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