come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
