Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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