Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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