i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
