Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
