Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
