Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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