went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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