I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
and she was petting her beer can
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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