Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
