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he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
