I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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