he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Let's get the cat blown out
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
