Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
