I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
