Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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