They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
