he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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