If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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