apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
