walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
