no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
