i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
