I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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