it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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