Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
