I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
