Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
