Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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