Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
