coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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