I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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