Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
