I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
