Old men and throwing up are my life now.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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