break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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