Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
