there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
