ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
