Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
