girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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