I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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