would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
