She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
