My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
