he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
oh god was she eating orange peels again
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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