It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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