He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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