I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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