Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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