Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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