Pants 0. Shit 1.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
