how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
