Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
