Do you still have your period?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
