You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize