oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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