it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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