I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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