I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
