one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
vagina is talking i cant
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
