I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
