how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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