apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
