Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
