This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Randomize
