Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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