just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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