im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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