dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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