what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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