This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
