Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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