he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
