Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
