it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
