I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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