i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
