worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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