I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
