very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
