dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize