Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
