i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize