Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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