He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
