Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
