MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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