Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize