so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We have so much sex to catch up on
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
