The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
