guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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