OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
