I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
