just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
50% drunk capacity currently
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
